Such a term is gratuitously employed by virtually everyone on the left, from tumblr social justice warriors to troglodytes like Lindy West. Speaking of which, remember my post about West’s childish, hangover induced behavior on an airplane? I recall mentioning that it wouldn’t be entirely surprising if someone created a “this is sober privilege” tumblr. I don’t know about you, but I cannot wait for someone else to create this tumblr. Due to the harmful ways that privilege and microaggressions conspire to consign oppressed peoples to the margins, I simply cannot stand idle while another insidious form of privilege continues to exist! Therefore, I have decided to create my own platform denouncing the evils of sober privilege and society’s scorn for people of alcoholic inclinations (PAI). You will certainly be checking your privilege once I’m through!
1. Sober privilege is being able to wake up next morning and not have a throbbing head.
2. Sober privilege is having employers see you as more trustworthy than PAI.
3. Sober privilege is being able to see people such as yourself depicted positively in the media, while PAI such as Homer Simpson are objects of ridicule.
4. Sober privilege is being able to drive home without having to worry about hitting a car or person, or getting pulled over by the cops.
5. Sober privilege is not having to worry about vomiting after a fun Friday night.
6. Sober privilege is not having people joke about your habits killing your brain cells.
7. Sober privilege is not having to worry about “Asian glow” (this applies to Asians only, obviously)
8. Sober privilege is having courts imposing lesser penalties for traffic violations than they would for PAI.
9. Sober privilege is not getting kicked out of bars or admonished for being “too rowdy.”
10. Sober privilege is being treated as an individual and not having your identity on trial, like PAI.
I’m not saying that any of you hate alcoholics or cause them any harm. I’m sure many of you also face numerous individual struggles in life. However, as a person with sober privilege you still live an overall blessed life, devoid of the various hardships that PAI have to confront. Therefore, you have a responsibility to check your privilege and fight for a more inclusive, just, and accommodating society.
Start binging on Bud Light this instant!